The Right to Feel Beautiful
I am not a supermodel.
No surprise there, I guess, that of the X billion women on the planet, a paltry, minuscule percentage of us meet the criteria, and I am not one of them.
Does that mean I am not beautiful? No, probably not. Even though I am only 5’2”, slightly voluptuous, with hair that isn’t as thick as it used to be, I probably am beautiful, at least to some people.
Funny thing is, though, I don’t feel beautiful. In fact, even though I manage to pull off a façade of confidence, inside of me is a little girl who feels she just doesn’t measure up.
We can blame it on society and the media, and the unrealistic expectations placed on us as human beings, this unrealistic quest for “perfection”. I know that when I look at a magazine, I don’t see the airbrushed and staged image for what it really is. When faced with an image of perfection, I always feel a little uglier, a little “less”, and unfortunately this carries over into other areas of my life.
It’s very sad to me that I can’t appreciate my body for what it is, and what it can do for me. In spite of the fact that I can climb the side of a mountain from sea level to 2700 feet in the span of 2 or 3 hours, somehow I feel I don’t measure up. Even though I have survived a terrible car accident and have rebounded to “almost new”, I often fail to remember the miracle in that, and to appreciate the strength of my body. That my heart beats like it should, and even faster when I feel joy, still doesn’t resonate with me.
I was watching one of my best friends with her daughter not too long ago, a child of 5 who is confident and loving, and what struck me at that time is that my friend never skimps on praise of her little one. I am sure that even if this child didn’t measure up to common standards of beauty, her mother would still tell her she was beautiful, because she is. This little miracle has heard that she is beautiful from the day she was born, and she carries herself with confidence in this knowing. In spite of all of the challenges that she will undoubtedly face in life, her mother is doing her best to ensure that her spirit is whole and honoured.
What is the most painful to me is that I don’t recall ever being told by my parents or family that I was beautiful. What I remember is them saying that friends of mine, or other people’s children, were beautiful, but never me. Instead, I remember my mother trying to tame my naturally curly hair into a hairstyle that didn’t suit it. I remember being told I couldn’t have another cookie because I was chubby. I remember the constant criticism for my weight, my hair, my crooked teeth, etc etc. I am sure that family members didn’t mean to be cruel, but what else can you call it? I certainly don’t think they realized the pain that such comments caused, I do know that there is much denial, as if the pain of recalling their own imperfections is too much to bear. Did they realize that not only did they hurt my spirit, but that essentially they were hurting theirs as well? How can you cause someone else pain and not feel some of that pain yourself, even if it is at a deep, visceral spiritual level that you choose not to acknowledge? It stays with you, whether or not it is recognized. It darkens the light of your soul, and makes you less than you are meant to be.
When I did stretch upward and become really thin, I was still reminded that if I ate too much I would gain weight. Now tell me - who in their right mind tells a 14 year old girl who is active and athletic that she needs to watch her weight, instead of encouraging her to eat well? Apparently, my family must have had several brain farts, because I was never told this and the criticism continued. Now at the present time, however, it is non-verbal, because my family has learned the hard way that my retaliation will be swift and extremely rude, even if we’re in public. The new approach is a dirty look if I have an extra cookie, thank-you very much, or having a magazine with a new diet dropped “innocently” on the coffee table in front of me… you get the picture. And I’m not even fat, for God’s sake. When will this bullshit ever end?
A few weeks ago I was visiting my family, and we were going through old pictures. From a distance I saw a beautiful girl of 12 or 13 hugging my dog, and I was more than a little irritated at this intrusion into our family album. When I asked Mom who it was, she said it was me. I didn’t believe her until I looked close up, and to my surprise…
It was me. And I was stunning.
Disbelief turned to anger at the failings of my parents. Who were they to withhold the truth from me? Even if I had been butt ugly, wasn’t it their responsibility to tell me that I was beautiful anyway? Would I believe that I was beautiful today, in spite of all of the negative body standards, had I been told this during my developmental years? Probably, though there is no guarantee. But I do know this - had I heard it, then I would always have believed at some level that the people who are supposed to love me the most though that I was beautiful. For this reason alone I would feel like I had earned the right to give of my beautiful self to the world.
What I’m trying to impart to you is this – even though you may have heard only criticism in your life, you are more beautiful than you realize. And I realize that physical beauty is only a small and (allegedly) insignificant portion of what it means to be beautiful. However, who doesn’t want to feel that they measure up to at least some of the standards of what it means to be physically beautiful?
I want to stress to those of you with young people in your lives – For God’s sake, tell them you think they are beautiful. EVEN (and especially) if they’re not. Because I can guarantee you this one simple truth – if they hear it, they’ll believe it, and when they believe it, they will live it.
When a person feels beautiful, he or she has the confidence to face the world and give the best of him or herself, not hide in shame for a perceived sin of being physically imperfect. When a person feels beautiful, they see the beauty in others. From a spiritual perspective, sharing a simple but positive, life-affirming belief will raise not only your vibrational level, but that of everyone with whom you interact.
In a world of darkness, shouldn’t we try to seek the light? When surrounded by negativity, how can it do anything but make the world a better place if we acknowledge the inherent, divine beauty with which we were born, in ourselves and in those around us? We should all feel beautiful just by virtue of existing on this earth. Just by being born, we have the right to feel beautiful.
Now, here’s a challenge for you:
Tell someone, better yet, tell everyone, whom you love that you think that he or she is beautiful. Look him or her in the eye, and say it with feeling and conviction. You can’t begin to know how that will impact them. Something so small could have the potential to change the course of someone’s life, you just never know.
Next - look in the mirror, and say it to yourself, with passion and feeling. “I am beautiful, and I am a reflection of the divine beauty that created me.” Find something about yourself that you like, and don’t quit, keep saying it until you believe it, because it is true.
You ARE beautiful, and it is your responsibility to share it with the world. Now stop lolly-gagging and go do it. The world needs the best you have to give, it needs your divine beauty.
Tags: beauty, divine, vibration, vibrational